The Setback: Being Epileptic

This one is hard to talk about honestly because it deals with so much more than just mental health and me, it deals with me and my whole family. The setback is about how Epilepsy took over m life and closed my business for a year. We did not see this coming at all. We never in a million years would have known this would have hit us this hard. At the time we were on top. I was running my business full time and my husband was working full time going strong. My oldest baby was going through some Mental Health issues and that was hard to deal with, but we were making it. I was Super Mommy and you couldn't tell me anything. Mentally a lot was going on, but I felt like I could control it all because I was used to doing that. I had my hand in every pot figuratively. One day I believe God said, "I have to slow you down because you have to learn you need to take care of yourself". I closed down for a year to really take care of myself because as a mother, that's not something I was doing. I took care of everyone but myself. My body clearly couldn't handle that.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. This is the only seizure I remember because it was my first one and I'll never forget my husband's face. I have nocturnal seizures. They only happen when I'm sleeping which sounds so crazy to a lot of people. I think Epilepsy isn't talked about enough. When people do talk about it, they are so used to seeing the seizures where people fall out on the floor in public and those aren't the only ones that you can have. My seizures are called Tonic Clonic also known as Grand Mal Seizures. I remember waking up and being surrounded by EMS. At this point, I was wondering what the hell was going on. Why are they here? What happened? I look over at my husband and the look in his eyes is a mixture of sheer terror, fear, worry, and angst, all in one. If my husband isn't worried, then I'm good. I know I don't need to worry about anything. The minute I saw his face I started crying because I knew something bad happened and I knew I needed to worry. The Lady started asking me my name, the date, the president, all of that and loaded me on the stretcher. I spent hours in the hospital and if you have ever had a seizure or have been diagnosed with epilepsy you know that it takes a while for them to figure out what is causing the seizures. So I was sent home hours later and because it was my first one, I wasn't diagnosed or given meds. I didn't remember any of it so I asked my husband to explain it. I hated having to do that because I know he was traumatized from seeing it happen.

He described it as looking as if I was possessed. I made this loud shrieking noise, my arms locked straight out into two different positions, I was foaming at the mouth, my eyes rolled back, and I was shaking. The seizure maybe lasted for 2-3 minutes before he called 911. Being the person that I am I felt worse for him than myself lol. He had to see it. I have no reminiscence of it, but he had to live through so many of these. 12-15 of them. After about 3 of them, I stopped going to the hospital and saw a neurologist, and was diagnosed as Epileptic. It took a while to find a combination of meds that would work, but we did so now I'm 7 months Seizure free and happy.

There is a lot I (AS IN ME) can't do which is hard to adapt to, but I'm getting used to it. For example, I can't do flashing lights so concerts are a no-go. Skating with the kids is a no-go because of the flashing lights and I can't skate because of the motion and I have vertigo now. Flashing lights means I can't go to lounges, clubs, or bars unless I find an amazing pair of sunglasses that happen to shield my eyes and not cause a seizure. I can't stand for long periods without my legs hurting or getting tired in general. If I run errands, I come back home tired because I've typically over-exhausted myself. I have to now watch my alcohol intake and keep it at a minimum. luckily, I don't like being drunk, I just like laughing at my friends lol, etc. It's a huge adjustment because I normally go all out for everything and everyone and now I can't. Sometimes dinner is the kids going to the freezer and pulling out chicken nuggets because I just don't have the energy. The best part is, they understand. They know mommy is different now and they know that things have changed significantly. They know that they will have to remind me of some things 87 times because I will forget. They know I will tell them the same thing 4-5 times and they will just go along with it because my brain is different. They love me... all of me.

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